Scared Shitless

I haven’t shared a lot about me personally in my blog, part of the reason is because I don’t know my readers so I don’t want to just sit there and talk about myself, how boring would that be.  Well currently I made a realization in my life and I thought that I might share it.Sophomore Nursing Class 13

I am a senior in the Nursing Program at my college.  I graduated high school in 2003 and am just now about to graduate school in May 2010.  Add it all up and I have been in college for a total of 7 years.  When I tell people how long I have been in school the first question that they ask me is, “Was nursing your first career choice?” Yes, since going into college I have always wanted to be a nurse.  I went to a Community College for a year and a half because I was really scared about going away to college.  When I finally went away to college it seemed like my personally life kept stopping my college life.  I lost 2 grandparents and was in a very bad car accident in the first semester that I was away at college.  Because of this I didn’t pass the classes I needed to get into the program.  Things like this kept happening.  It has been a constant struggle to get what and where I need to be.  But through that struggle the goal as always remained the same.  I never gave up on my dream to be nurse.

Now that I am so close that I can almost taste it, and I am scared shitless.  Where am I going to go, what area should I work in, and will I pass the NCLEX (Registered Nursing Exam).  All of these questions are running through my mind this semester.  It seems that everyone in my class knows where they want to go.  I have an idea but I am currently not sure and I don’t think that I am ready to make that choice.  But that is not the scariest part for me.  Through all of my time in the Nursing Program I have had my nursing instructors: there to have my back, they had the answers if I didn’t and they were always there to double check stuff and make sure I didn’t kill a patient (not that I ever did or tried to, but still).  It scares me because I will have to be the one with the answers and I will be my double check and there is no one there to constantly have my back.

I know that I will make a great nurse someday and I am ready to graduate school.  But am I ready for the real world.  For a long time (7 years to be exact) I have had that comfy, cushy feeling that even if I mess up in school I still have another chance to make it right.  There are no more chances, I can’t mess it up, I have to graduate and be a big girl in the terrifying Real World!!  I Am Scared Shitless!!!

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Published in: on 19/10/2009 at 00:40  Comments (1)  
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  1. Don’t be afraid. People like you go the extra mile, and make a difference in the lives of those around you. My wife’s mother works at Saint Thomas hospital, has for thirty years, and now my wife’s sister is following in her footsteps in the nursing program. I’m glad to know that there are people like you in the world.


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