Scared Shitless

I haven’t shared a lot about me personally in my blog, part of the reason is because I don’t know my readers so I don’t want to just sit there and talk about myself, how boring would that be.  Well currently I made a realization in my life and I thought that I might share it.Sophomore Nursing Class 13

I am a senior in the Nursing Program at my college.  I graduated high school in 2003 and am just now about to graduate school in May 2010.  Add it all up and I have been in college for a total of 7 years.  When I tell people how long I have been in school the first question that they ask me is, “Was nursing your first career choice?” Yes, since going into college I have always wanted to be a nurse.  I went to a Community College for a year and a half because I was really scared about going away to college.  When I finally went away to college it seemed like my personally life kept stopping my college life.  I lost 2 grandparents and was in a very bad car accident in the first semester that I was away at college.  Because of this I didn’t pass the classes I needed to get into the program.  Things like this kept happening.  It has been a constant struggle to get what and where I need to be.  But through that struggle the goal as always remained the same.  I never gave up on my dream to be nurse.

Now that I am so close that I can almost taste it, and I am scared shitless.  Where am I going to go, what area should I work in, and will I pass the NCLEX (Registered Nursing Exam).  All of these questions are running through my mind this semester.  It seems that everyone in my class knows where they want to go.  I have an idea but I am currently not sure and I don’t think that I am ready to make that choice.  But that is not the scariest part for me.  Through all of my time in the Nursing Program I have had my nursing instructors: there to have my back, they had the answers if I didn’t and they were always there to double check stuff and make sure I didn’t kill a patient (not that I ever did or tried to, but still).  It scares me because I will have to be the one with the answers and I will be my double check and there is no one there to constantly have my back.

I know that I will make a great nurse someday and I am ready to graduate school.  But am I ready for the real world.  For a long time (7 years to be exact) I have had that comfy, cushy feeling that even if I mess up in school I still have another chance to make it right.  There are no more chances, I can’t mess it up, I have to graduate and be a big girl in the terrifying Real World!!  I Am Scared Shitless!!!

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Published in: on 19/10/2009 at 00:40  Comments (1)  
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